Got sudden almost PAINFUL craving for curry chips
I was really sick, I cant remember what it was other than that I couldnt leave my house for awhile.
So my friends being awesome sent me a get well soon card, heres what it said
“Your existence is a grey shrouding figure in my life, but for that, I love you, forever and always”
“Dear Laz, dont suck so much Mexican penis again or your throat will hurt. Stay away from Pucas too, your immune system cant handle that when you’re sick. And man you are one SICK bastard”
“Dear Laz, even though I quite frankly HATE you, I truly believe you should die”
zOMG Puca, I only turned on my netbook today
At first I heard this low humming, then a wheezing sound, and I was like WTFFF wheres that coming from….then it broke into final part of Sons of Scotland theme and I realized it was continuing EXACTLY where we left off on the playlist!
It was scary….then THRILLING, and then I climaxed with the song.
I’ve been browsing their archive for last like 45 minutes, I’ve realized a few things
Bird tattoos are really really cool
Naked chicks with tattoos are really really hot
But if I save some money I can at least get one of them!
I was in Dublin on the Luas (Dublin tram thingy) its almost always packed so never any seats, me and two friends got on it and had to stand in center and hold center grip pole. Starts off so boring, mundane then bam, freakyness happens.
A 35(ish?) old black woman WITH A BABY IN A PRAM (remember this) gets on and stands right next to me, ok fair enough I’ll try make some room but ehh cant really move because its so packed.
So she decides to push her breasts up against the grip bar….right where my hand is, now I sent a quick scouting glance at her, but dont stare in case it increases awkward, but she looks 100% calm, serene even, not a hint of her emotional reaction to the developing situation or any indication she notices.
So wtf, does she realize its my hand? Oh god what if she dosent and she thinks I’m trying to rape her. I cant let go or due to my INCREDIBLY bad balance I’d probably just fall over and look retarded.
So I decide I’ll slowly raise my hand up the pole, but as I attempt to she moves closer and pushes her breasts in closer!
At this point the awkwardness is a pulsating pain in my face, is she making me molest her? does she think the grip bar has knuckles and slides up to try get away from her?! Is she just worried she’ll fall, WHY ARE YOU DOIN THIS, WHATS GOING ON!!!!
Thankfully it was a short trip and I just got off at the next stop, and told my friends what just happened but they laughed their asses off n hadnt noticed anything.
- 1. What’s a question you’re afraid to ask? ”Do you have any Irish in you? would you like some more ;)” I want to, but cant bring myself to be that douche-y……yet
- 2. What’s something you hide about your personality? I’d be shit at hiding it if I said it ON THE INTERNET
- 3. What’s something other people think about you that you don’t agree with? That I’m not self conscious, I’m ridiculously self conscious
- 4. How do you deal with criticism? criticism is fine, but rejection owwwy cant deal with that shit at all
- 5. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Wrote my name on their boobie <3
- 6. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Eskimo KISSES
- 7. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Build them a house of their favourite candy, then fuck them inside it
- 8. Describe your favourite texture. MY DICK
- 9. Which national or global tragedy were you closest to and how did it affect you? Fuck all happens in Ireland
- 10. Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance.
- 11. Which fictional character would you most like to have lunch with and why? The above one, we’d either sex or kill each other <3
- 12. Who would you say is your “anti” role model? Someone who serves as a warning rather than an inspiration?
- Charlie Sheen
- 13. What’s your least “politically correct” opinion? That racist jokes should be ENCOURAGED, humor brings people together, dividing lines in the sand of what one race can or CANT say only furthers the division in the first place. Political correctness in general is fuckin retarded.
- 14. What kind of underwear do you imagine Sherlock Holmes wears? None, duh
- 15. What’s one of the most difficult things you’ve ever had to do? Stand up after 5 Stalingrad bombers
- 16. If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? CANDY IS AN ELEMENT
- 17. What’s the most infuriating thing your parents (or caregiver) do? Open their mouthes generally
- 18. Which Disney Princess do you most identify with and why? Which is your favourite and why? And yes- ANYONE can answer this question. Ehhh…..fuck you?
- 19. You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? MY DICK, and I’d shout “The trains ama coming boy” right before I whip it across his face (his one weakness is gayness)
- 20. What’s the silliest fan theory you’ve ever come up with? That Darth Vader wants to sleep with me
- 21. What did you think about before you fell asleep last night? No idea, something cool though
- 22. What’s the oddest term of endearment you’ve ever used or that someone’s used for you? Tinkerbell….what I was called, not vice versa
- 23. What motivates you in life? Money, and the things it brings, booze/travel/fun
- 24. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? I used to love being a kid, with no worries in the world. Now im taller and I still have no worries, but im fatter. F U time
- 25. How do you think you will fare when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives? I AM LEGEND
- 26. Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? And if you could be any mythological creature, which would you want to be? Why? I’m most like a unicorn, cause i’m beautiful and horny
- 27. Write a brief story about an actual adventure you’ve had. Nah, just read “ok so this one time”!
- 28. Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life. Being molested on a tram….actually ama write that up in next post
- 29. What’s something that scares you about the future? Getting old, fat, and progressively more alone, until eventually my liver implodes and I die
- 30. List 5 quirky things about yourself.
- My face
- Fact I need to pee with back to a door
- I cant live without my hair long
- I’m pretty afraid of moths and by extension butterflies
- I’m unaturally secretive/private about mundane things for seemingly random reasons
- 31. Describe your dream library. A fuckin kindle, idiot
- 32. What’s the weirdest item you’ve ever mourned? My 5 year old mp3 player that was so busted up I had to use a COIN to turn it on by completely the circuit
- 33. If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? THE BLOWJOBINATOR….for over 18’s only
- 34. Do you have any “rules” about food? Yea, take your vegtables, put them on a pizza OR FUCK OFF
- 35. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? The LHC couldnt measure how little of a shit I give
- 36. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? iunno….I’m kinda proud of the stuff I wanna do
- 37. Describe a time/event in your life that you’re nostalgic for. first years of college, or childhood
- 38. How do you approach social situations? INCREDIBLY awkwardly
- 39. What is your ideal bed? Why? Ehh one thats close?
- 40. Post a short excerpt of your life. Nah
- Puca: Did you make it in time for the bus?
- Me: No, I had to walk into Btown
- Puca: You're walking to Carlow?
- Me: YES BTOWN STANDS FOR CARLOW....jesus christ
Where you could just download an app and then fly, it was pretty badass, but I had lots of trouble in the dream explaining it to people cause no one would believe me.
So even the imaginary people in my dream found the premise of the dream retarded.
CHYEA, ITS MOIST IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES
I just orally raped a bigass bag of Hunky Dories =(
This guys the legal definition of a fuckin BOSS
When I was a wee kiddy in primary school we all had to do a hearing test one day.
They sat you down, put bigass headphones on you and blast high pitched beeps at you that got louder n louder.
BUT….the chick doing it was just a condescending BITCH, the way she kept asking me
Can you not hear it YET?
Ok how about NOW? Hmmm
Bitch you’re not supposed to grade me, just tell me if I’m deaf, I felt such pressure (and confusion) I eventually just said yeah I can hear it (I totally couldnt) just to get away from her (ironically I heard her tone all too well) and the social peer pressure to listen to things.
I’ve since self evaluated my hearing as “fairly shit”